Distance is the Test

I recently had to decide whether or not to take on a long distance relationship but unfortunately it was an easy decision. Over the years I’ve learned that long distance relationships are extremely tough because, let’s face it, it takes a lot of effort from both sides to make it work out. It’s not always what you expect and yet everyone wants to be in that one relationship beating the odds which is where naivety can often sneak in. Distance really does test your relationship’s strength, how well you communicate with each other and more importantly how much your love and trust one another.

I’ve previously been in two long distance relationships over the years and while I don’t regret either of them for a split second, I do wish I had known how difficult it would be. Naivety was definitely evident on my side. My typical Irish attitude said “it’ll be grand, we’ll make it through” because so many couples make it work on a daily basis and I didn’t see why my relationships were any different. But boy was I wrong! I had no idea what I had let myself in for.

At first I truly believed it would work! We would travel to meet up once a week, text or talk every day and even Skyped from time to time which made it seem so much better than it actually was. However, over time in both cases the visits became scarce while I turned into an untrusting and jealous girlfriend, something I never imagined myself as which is why I couldn’t bare doing that to myself again, or my (now ex) boyfriend for that matter. I consider both trust and honesty to be two of the key ingredients in any relationship but I must say it’s difficult not to cross the path of jealousy when you can’t be with the person you love. It became obvious that without trust we would soon be faced with a disaster so if you are in a similar situation do make sure you completely trust your other half before you take on the emotional rollercoaster that is a long distance relationship.

We forget just how important physically being with someone is and this can be anything from as simple as merely sitting on the couch together watching a movie to sex. It’s the little things you’ll begin to miss like their smile, laugh or hugs which may be things you rarely thought about before and suddenly they’re just as important as the sexual side of a relationship.
While this was in no way easy for me to deal with and I am aware of how difficult it may be for my ex to accept why I’ve done this, I do hope that in the long run I have spared him some heartache because I know exactly how it feels and I love and respect him far too much to put him through what I went through all those years ago.

Naturally the outcome of your long distance relationship will totally depend on how serious your relationship is because if you’re married for instance or have kids with your partner then you will more than likely try harder to make it work for the kids’ sake if not your own. It tends to be tougher the more people involved because it’s not just your feelings that you must take into consideration nor is it just your schedule alone to work around which may later cause problems as a phone call might be missed or an occasional skype session might have to be cancelled which should be avoided if possible. Another example could be if you’re moving to study abroad which in my opinion is the best situation to be in when it comes to long distance because there will be set holidays. Therefore, depending on your budget you can arrange to meet up with your other half in advance which will give you both something to look forward to as a result.

I know it may seem like I’m against long distance relationships but I’m actually not as this is solely my experience and I’m not here to give advice but to share my experience with all of you. I think that if you’re with the right person, if you love them inside and out while trusting them completely then it isn’t impossible. Sure it’ll be tough either way but some make it work, some don’t and that’s life. I wasn’t lucky enough to make my relationships work but who knows what the future holds.

Good luck to anyone who is currently in one or planning on taking the risk, I really do hope you beat the odds. 🙂

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